tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465072391199760560.post3993775024081053687..comments2024-03-26T14:30:49.660-05:00Comments on The Wifely Person Speaks: The Apology TreeThe Wifely Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03255569339784573469noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465072391199760560.post-15755277948669245262013-08-20T14:26:06.775-05:002013-08-20T14:26:06.775-05:00To put it simply: Your story of the tree shocked m...To put it simply: Your story of the tree shocked me with how hateful and vengeful you are and your husband apparently was. The landscaper intended no malice, he was and is innocent. Leaving the tree there to remind him, to punish him, is as spiteful and cruel as anything I have recently heard of.<br /><br />Words are only words. It is what is in the heart that is evil.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465072391199760560.post-3469566713980206232013-08-02T11:19:39.374-05:002013-08-02T11:19:39.374-05:00I hate the _tree_ because it's not what I want...I hate the _tree_ because it's not what I wanted in that spot and the suckers send me into spasms every spring. I never intended for a tree to be there. I was not my choice. It blocks the light and turned what was supposed to be my iris and lily patch into a hosta shade garden. <br /><br />I think it's okay to hate the thing even though it's lovely and smells good...it just doesn't belong in front of the dining room window!<br /><br />I don't hate the landscape guy; that would be silly.<br /><br />The Wifely Personhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03255569339784573469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465072391199760560.post-8094965865501343202013-08-02T10:47:32.599-05:002013-08-02T10:47:32.599-05:00This story cost no one my respect. Hate is a very,...This story cost no one my respect. Hate is a very, very powerful force that is very hard to overcome. I do suggest that using the word "hate" to describe a feeling one has for anything over a 23-year period indicates that there are unresolved issues. I've made the mistake of holding hate in my heart, and I know what a burden it is, no matter how "justified" one believes it to be. "Justified" hate is what starts wars, why people murder each other. Ultimately hate in any form is a destructive force, no matter what form it takes. I hope that everyone involved can one day let go of the last vestige of hate and truly come to peace with themselves and the world.TomViolinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04455142354985668217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465072391199760560.post-71876649837769666802012-03-30T23:25:10.507-05:002012-03-30T23:25:10.507-05:00I am truly sorry to hear you feel that way.
For ...I am truly sorry to hear you feel that way. <br /><br />For the record, I did not carry any hurt, or certainly any hate toward him; I was and remain ambivalent....which may be worse. I just never felt the need to be his friend again after that. <br /><br />For the record, landscaper didn't understand _why_ what he said was a slur. My husband had to explain that to him. If he learned from the experience, great. Did he? I hope so. <br /><br />Funny thing was, I had never planned for a tree there; I had something else in mind.<br /><br />But the tree, its leaves clogging the gutters, and most especially its suckers, however, are ongoing pains in the neck. And as much as I threaten to chop it down, I cannot. It's the apology tree, not the angry tree or the nasty tree; we never lose sight of how it came to be there.The WPnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465072391199760560.post-70445462164214926432012-03-30T23:07:01.912-05:002012-03-30T23:07:01.912-05:00This is such a sad story. What the young man said...This is such a sad story. What the young man said to you was unthinkable. However, it’s very possible that he grew up hearing the term used by his parents and others and did not realize how offensive and hurtful it was. Yes, he should have, but if he was not taught properly, if no one pulled him aside and told him that it was never under any circumstance okay to use “Jew” as a verb, he honestly might not have known. <br /><br />From your story, it is clear that the young man was a nice person; he was very patient with and kind to your son. And he clearly felt bad about what he said, trying multiple times to apologize. You and your husband had every right to be hurt and angry. But to refuse an apology? To ‘condemn’ him to seeing the tree every time he went by to remind him of the respect he lost? Don’t you think that even without your husband’s harsh words, the young man would have - all on his own - reminded himself of the mistake he made every time he saw it?<br /><br />For 23 years you have carried the hurt and hate, reminding yourself every time you look at that tree that at one time a young man said the unthinkable. And you’ll be darned if you’re going to forgive him and make peace. <br /><br />Polite but cold. <br /><br />Your story cost you my respect.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465072391199760560.post-25097505838773907712012-03-28T17:26:45.735-05:002012-03-28T17:26:45.735-05:00Truthfully, he was forgiven long ago...but the rel...Truthfully, he was forgiven long ago...but the relationship was irreparably damaged, and it doesn't change the fact I really hate that tree and its suckers.The WPnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465072391199760560.post-22040521332033062072012-03-28T17:07:22.094-05:002012-03-28T17:07:22.094-05:00Interesting story... and an interesting life. Have...Interesting story... and an interesting life. Have any plans to forgive the landscaper?crosswaysnethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13951118873788812400noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465072391199760560.post-3252128843104744072012-03-28T14:14:20.607-05:002012-03-28T14:14:20.607-05:00Thank you for your kind words. He was very much a ...Thank you for your kind words. He was very much a stand up kinda guy....and very much missed.The WPnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465072391199760560.post-23184018555371503062012-03-28T13:40:44.782-05:002012-03-28T13:40:44.782-05:00Wow. This story was wonderful (and sad all in one)...Wow. This story was wonderful (and sad all in one). I don't know you but I read a comment of yours on a New York Times article recently and you had a link to your blog there. Your comment on the article was so well-written that I had to see if your blog was just as good. I am happy I clicked the link. Consider yourself up a subscriber. Your husband sounds like he was a stand up guy.Nashawnnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465072391199760560.post-21216493613861689462012-03-26T22:13:07.588-05:002012-03-26T22:13:07.588-05:00Jeri was a kind and elegant woman. Her memory is a...Jeri was a kind and elegant woman. Her memory is a blessing for all of us who had the privilege to know her.<br /><br />sjThe Wifely Personnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465072391199760560.post-40131535932193026992012-03-26T22:09:08.853-05:002012-03-26T22:09:08.853-05:00Your Steve was very wise (at least in this instanc...Your Steve was very wise (at least in this instance!), and my vote is that you think of him when you look at your tree, and let that landscaper go. He "got his" long ago.<br /><br />Now, when I tell you this, I need you to remember that I grew up in ex-urban Michigan.<br /><br />I never met anyone who was Jewish until I arrived at Skidmore! <br /><br />Anyway, my senior year I was signed up to live with three other people in the new Scribner apartments. Well, a lot went on that summer and people dropped in and out of our apartment. I got a call from Jeri Held, who I had met during winter term in Greece. She had heard that we had an opening in our apartment, and wanted in. I'd liked her during our trip, so this was great with me. The other two roommates took my recommendation, though neither of them knew Jeri.<br /><br />You may or may not remember that the apartments were not ready when we got back to school. The four of us were put in a one bedroom "apartment" in some motel.<br /><br />And it was late at night, in the dark, in our crowded, bunk-bedded room, that I heard, for the first and only time in my life, "Jew" used as a verb in that pejorative way. As you can tell, I've never forgotten.<br /><br />And I've never forgotten how Jeri handled it. She didn't explode. In fact, she said nothing at all that night. I brought it up with her the next day, and asked if she wanted me to say something. Obviously, this was going to be awkward no matter what, but I naively thought that it might somehow be easier if I inserted myself into it. Go figure. Anyway, Jeri did the talking, and it was in private and I've never known what she said. I do know that she and the other roommate lived together for three months in an agreeable, if not exactly chummy manner.<br /><br />The other roommate graduated in December, and I've never spoken to her since. Jeri, on the other hand, became one of my dearest friends. We lived together for a year after college, and she was in my wedding. She's been gone for almost 9 years now, and I miss her every day.<br /><br />As I was to discover, there was much to admire about Jeri and much to learn from her, and the incident of which I have written was the very first indication of that!WB from CTnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465072391199760560.post-53923922685080592602012-03-26T20:26:48.855-05:002012-03-26T20:26:48.855-05:00This story got to me and brought tears to my eyes....This story got to me and brought tears to my eyes. It made me so sad to think of the anti-Semitism,what happen in Toulouse,bigotry and what happened in Florida, and I say to myself not such a wonderful world.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com