Monday, October 31, 2011

Hey! You Wanna Trick Or A Treat?????

Today marks the 20th anniversary of the Halloween Blizzard. I know all you east coasters got snow this weekend, but we had 28.4 inches of wet, heavy, sticky stuff that did not deter trick or treating in this neighborhood for one New York minute. The little shrub at the end of the walk leading to the front steps has a permanent dent where Misha’s best friend fell on it. We still refer to it the Evan Tepler Memorial Bush. 

I will admit I am anxious to see all the fairy princesses and super-heroes who will ring the doorbell this evening. I especially love the little ones who clearly had an active hand in costume creation…something that has been a long time tradition in this neighborhood. I don’t know too many of the parents these days since my guys are grown, but I like that the parade continues. So I shall blow up Hoskins, our resident skeleton, and hang him on the coat tree near the front door. The dog will hate it, but it’s only one night.

Or one would hope. Those of us living in America 2011 are going to continue to be subjected to the costume parade called the election cycle. I have a fun idea! Let’s play dress-up the candidates!

Well, it seems Madame Bachmann has turned in her Stepford Wife outfit and is now showing up as Serious Leader Barbie, complete with serious admiral's jacket, serious hair, and serious eyebrows. Unfortunately, they forgot to install serious mouth because the stuff that’s been coming out has been stand-up, not sea, worthy. Just yesterday, she announced she would rescind citizen status for children of illegal aliens who are born here. "We've got to end this anchor baby program.”
Aye, aye, Admiral!

Rick Santorum should go door to door dressed as Pope Benedict. Sanatorium actually said birth control is a “license to do things.” Kinda reminds me of the old ads that made us think if we used Tampax we could ride horses on the beach. I wonder if this guy does “it” with his wife. Maybe through a hole in a sheet. Which hole might be a matter of speculation.

And as not to discriminate, Rick Perry is just coming off as narcissistic wacko these days. Get that guy a Gilderoy Lockhart cape! The 20% flat tax plan is such an exercise in Magical Thinking that it makes you wonder just what he does as governor of Texas. Oh, wait…we kinda know the answer to that, don't we? Prayer rallies for rain. Jobs created with the same federal funding he vehemently opposes. And he wants to keep US Forces on the ground in Iraq and Afghanistan, but he wants to cut taxes. Excuse me, but how are we paying for that? I know! He must have a vault at Gringott's  Bank! I'm waiting for him to wave his magical thinking wand and send some Dementors to guard the border with Mexico.

Herman Cain could’ve gone as Vito Corleone, but the smoking campaign manager ad ruined that idea. What subliminal message is that supposed to be sending? Hmmmm. Take back America, bring back Joe Camel? But that smile at the end of the ad is so, so creepy.  I am going to have to go with Johnny Depp’s version of Willy Wonka on this one. That Willy Wonka is just plain scary with his hypno-eyes...and that same look is so well mirrored by Herman Cain at the end of that ad. Oompa-loompas watch your backs!

And oh, poor ol' Mitt Romney. His fish-in-a-boat routine continues to confound. First he points one way, then he flops around for a while and points another. Let’s just dress him up as The Scarecrow from Munchkinland and maybe he can trick-or-treat his way over the Rick (Gilderoy Lockhart) Perry's fortress to ask for a brain. 

Pick a wizard, any wizard. Makes no difference. One can only draw comfort that none of them have more than 21% of the poll votes. That's not enough to get elected dog catcher around here. I'm still trying to figure out if that's the trick or the treat. 

Wifely person’s Tip O’The Week
Late in the evening, watch to see if older kids are dressed as the candidates.
That’s always such an interesting tell.


  1. Oh, I loved this post. I laughed so hard I spilled my coffee! Mitt Romney makes for a perfect scarecrow looking for a brain!

  2. Good stuff...costumes(continued)....Obama as Alfred E Newmann, Chris Christie & Henry Waxman could go as their respective party mascots and Nancy Pelosi at Pinnochio.

    As ex-Navy, I have to point out that Michelle Bachmann's outfit that you chose is a 'Petty Officer 1st Class' (maybe more fitting :)


  3. Loved this post, too... laughed so hard I spilled Vicki's coffee.

    I heard that for the next debate all the candidates will be wearing Nixon masks. How scary is that?