First thing first: Miss Myrus, at 91, is alive and well and living in New York City. I am verklempt! I am hoping to have updates from the lady herself soon. I hear she does email!
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, this past weekend marked the end of 5783 and the start of 5784. All things considered, the Jewish year is supposed to be from the beginning of the earth until now, but uh, our history goes back a bit further than 5700 years. But for the moment, let's talk about the Hebrew calendar.
Fundamentally it's a lunar calendar, but in the land of mathematics and calculations, it's a luni-solar calendar. How the holidays and leap years are calculated is a total mystery to me, but there is a High Holy Day to next High Holy Day calendar in the kitchen in plain sight so I can adjust my life according to all the holidays and observances.
On a social/familial level, my life, and the lives of most of my family members, are kinda marked in relation to the Hebrew calendar. Grandma Bessie was born on Shavuot in 1900, but died on Sukkot in 1977. Ziggy died the week after Shavuot. I got married right under the wire for the solemn days before Tisha b'Av. Uh-oh, that's really close to Passover....so forth and so on. You get the idea.
I don't think the holiday/home event correlation is much different in any ethnic group. Major events happen, and often they are put into perspective in relation to a community event...like a holiday. It's a time marker and one that can be quite comforting....or not. Our earliest memories are often tied to events like Passover or Christmas or Eid or Diwali...some special occasion when families gather. Not all memories are good, but good or bad, they link us to our personal past. I had great Passover memories, but Ziggy had terrible Christmas ones that ultimately helped to steer him toward Judaism...and a way to make a whole set of new memories, most of which were pretty good because they were family times.
Rosh ha'Shanah, the first of the Days of Awe, is really a call to introspection. It's mental house-cleaning. The expectation is that we look at the good and the bad of the year, figure out what we can fix, and what needs improvement in the coming year. I take that examination pretty seriously; it's for me, highly personal, and definitely not easy. And it takes place in the middle of pretty happy family stuff. My big bro comes in from Philly to spend the holiday with us, which is cause for great celebration amongst the kiddos. The food is really good, services might be a bit long, but they're also kinda nice. Standing somewhere in the middle of this, I'm trying to figure out how to do better.
Instead of Happy New Year, we say "l'shanah tova u'metukah," (שָׁנָה טוֹבָה וּמְתוּקָה)...to a good and sweet year. At the same time, we use the Book of Life as a metaphor to address that coming year. We wish a good year by saying, May you be inscribed in the Book of Life, but closer to (and on) Yom Kippur we say, May you be sealed in the Book of Life.
In the liturgy for Rosh ha'Shanah, there is a piyyut, a poem, that addresses exactly that called Unetaneh Tokef. Who wrote it and when is pretty much a debatable issue, but that doesn't change the awe-filled intent of the prayer. It's pretty scary stuff, especially when you're a kid, but the older you get, the more you understand why facing life and death head on is a part of our very existence. All mankind will pass before You like a flock of sheep. Like a shepherd pasturing his flock, making sheep pass under his staff, so shall You cause to pass, count, calculate, and consider the soul of all the living; and You shall apportion the destinies of all Your creatures and inscribe their verdict.
On Rosh Hashanah will be inscribed and on Yom Kippur will be sealed
how many will pass from the earth and how many will be created;
who will live and who will die;
who will die after a long life and who before his time;
who by water and who by fire,
who by sword and who by beast,
who by famine and who by thirst,
who by upheaval and who by plague,
who by strangling and who by stoning.
Who will rest and who will wander,
who will live in harmony and who will be harried,
who will enjoy tranquility and who will suffer,
who will be impoverished and who will be enriched,
who will be degraded and who will be exalted.
But Repentance, Prayer, and Charity mitigate the severity of the Decree.
The last line is the best, the one that tells us we can fix ourselves, that no decree is final, and that there is always hope. But here's the kicker about that last line: we must take responsibility for our own actions. We own who we are and what we do. As a kid, I totally believed that. Come to think of it, I still do.
I can remember Grandma Bessie weeping on Rosh ha'Shanah as she recited Unetaneh Tokef. She used to tell me the only one who could change the Holy Decree was me, and that I was in charge of what I did. And if you don't think this 8 year-old was terrified by that idea, you have another think coming.
Terrified as I was, however, the idea that I was in charge of me was planted pretty early. I hope I did the same for my guys. But it's not something I can or would ask. This is the deepest part of one's being...the admission that one is in charge of one's own actions.
Yom Kippur starts next Sunday night and ends at darkness on Monday night. Most of us will fast from right about 6:30 in the evening until 8:00 p.m the next day. This family will gather with our cousins as we have done for the last 37 years (except for two years of COVID) to break our fast with hard boiled eggs, bagels, herring, carrot ring, and assorted other really good stuff.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that odds are pretty good there won't be a blog next Monday night. Just so you know ahead of time.
The Wifely Person's Tip o'the Week
Owning your own behavior, actions, deeds
is always a good thing no matter what you believe.
If everyone did that............
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