Monday, September 22, 2014

Shana Tova u'Metuka - A Sweet and Happy 5775

Every day of the month preceding Rosh HaShanah, the shofar is blown. This is supposed to be a wake-up to put your mental house in order in preparing for the Yamim Nora'im: the Days of Repentance between Rosh HaShana and, ten days later, Yom Kippur...the Day of Atonement. Shofar blasts are serious ear-splitting sound to remind you that self-examination ain't easy.

I am in no way ready for the mental housecleaning and preparation proper for the holiday. I don't have time to sleep, much less examine anything. There are too many bits and pieces at the moment, and I'm having a helluva time trying to juggle them all. 

We started home hospice for my father-in-law and it has not gone well. Having experienced the best that could be offered during Ziggy's last weeks, this was a crushing blow. Everything was a battle. It got so bad that I was ready to fire them first thing come Monday morning. I won't go into the details, but Doc was put at risk by the case manager nurse. 

I spoke with the director of the program this morning. She was horrified...and determined to make it right.

The new case manager came this afternoon, and from what Doc said, he just about burst into tears when he realized it was the nurse who masterminded all of Ziggy's hospice care. It was a grand reunion. Patti immediately set out to make things right. When I got home and Doc told me who the new nurse was, I just about burst into tears....of relief. I called Patti and in a matter of minutes, I was pretty sure things will be just fine.

Now, on to to Rosh HaShanah. 

First, there is the matter of the brisket. Doc doesn't want the usual Aunt Cynthia Brisket, he wants no tomato sauce brisket like Cousin Peshe makes...only that has tomato sauce in it. And he doesn't want my chicken soup. He wants like Cousin Laurie or our friend Leslie makes. If my husband was here, he would assure me this is a clear case of Irene's Cookies....they're only good if Irene makes them....even when his mom brought them and Irene only put them on a plate. Then he would still ask how come she couldn't make cookies like Irene. Now I know where he got that from. 

Cooking is not an acceptable substitute for brain-cleaning. I cannot cook my way out of this one. I don't know if it's the enormity of knowing I'm losing Doc, or the soon-to-arrive grandchild, or the idea that I will truly be on my own for the first time in my life. These are some pretty scary things. Okay, the baby isn't scary...just me being a grandmother is. 

Still, these are big issues for me. Almost as big as climate change or mid-term elections. Okay, maybe not that big, but these impact as directly as affordable care and clean water. To be sure, this is personal baggage, but it's kinda heavy and I've yet to find a Red Cap to check them through.

If the purpose of Rosh HaShanah is to take stock of the past year, put it in perspective, and get ready for the new year, then I'm stuck somewhere between one and two. I have so not met my own goals that I'm not so certain I can have much perspective. I guess, then, the goals don't change much, and as I figure out who I am and what I am, I'll try lining up the the yardstick I picked up a while ago. Not that it makes much difference, but it's something to glance at every so often. 

And I will keep telling myself this is an adventure. 

May you be inscribed in the Book of Life for a happy and sweet New Year. May you meet the challenges that meet you, and may you glide through them all with grace and equanimity. 

 Shana tova u’metuka….a happy and sweet new year.

!שנה טובה ומתוקה

1 comment:

  1. Aye yai yai. You have a lot going on. Keeping you in my thoughts with all your coming ups and downs. Shana Tova U'Metuka,