Monday, July 16, 2018

Top 5 Posts ~ #3: Yes, We Have No Pajamas

For a very long time, Yes, We Have No Pajamas was the #1 most popular post. No longer. There are 2 ahead of it, both political in topic. This no longer surprises me...the politics of the time are dire; people on both sides are paying attention to the developing reality.

Especially on Monday, July 16th, 2018. Remember that date. It's the one that will go into history books. And not for a good reason. 

No other president in the history of these here United States, ever sucked up to an autocrat/dictator they way Feckless Leader did today. It's just never happened. He called our most staunch allies, "foes," and the Chinese and Russian dictators our good friends. He's already kissed up to Kim Jung-Un, so I suppose his next adventure in boot-licking  will be a visit to Rodrigo Duterte in the Philippines. 

Anyone remember Neville ChamberlainHow he was excoriated by the people of Britain and the world for attempting to appease Hitler with the Sudetenland concession? I could not think of  a more recent example of public fury until I got to Hanoi Jane. Now, let me just say I was never a great fan of this action even when I was marching against the war. Was she a war criminal for going there? I don't think so. Fonda didn't give anything to the North Vietnamese except her opinion. She had no state secrets to sell, she had no tariffs to deploy, no bombs to drop. She was a celebrity with a mouth and that's it. The only power she had was that which we gave her by jumping up and down. And she was called a traitor over and over and even by some today. I get it. 

Any other politician who attempted to ally this country with Russia and China away from NATO and the rest of the western world would have been pilloried by the GOP. Today, there are plenty of GOP followers who are sucking this right up. They think this is all okay. I have one thing to say to them all:

Когда-то КГБ, всегда КГБ. Учить русский; вам это понадобится.

Can you imagine what those same conservative hot-rocks would be screaming if it had been President Obama standing there trashing the country to the world. Or Hillary Clinton? Give me a break. What a bunch of hypocritical troglodytes. 

On that horrible note, here is something completely inane:

It was an innocent, friendly kind of social question: What did you get for Christmas? There was no intent to mock, tease, or otherwise deride anything about said gift. But I could not help but howl when he told me “jammies …and flannel sheets with snowmen on them.” 

I couldn't stop myself. I asked if the jammies had feet. No, they did not. Well, that’s somewhat of a relief. My next thought was to ask if the jammies are flannel (they are,) and  then whether or not to warn him about the Velcro Effect. I did. But the  vision of a grown man in flannel pajamas velcro'd between flannel snowman sheets just danced in my head.

I felt terrible about thinking these thoughts and decided instead that further research was required.

With the help of a colleague, I narrowed the term “pajamas” to mean a 2-piece ensemble made of either broadcloth or flannel that comes in a single package. The top should have buttons, and the bottom either an elastic or drawstring waistband. In other words, that which one imagines when one says “pajamas.” For the sake of Minnesota, thermal pajamas were included but excluded from this most scientific sampling were Joe Boxer flannel pants paired with unassociated t-shirts and/or scrubs.

Okay, the results are in. Almost 60 guys from all over the country were asked whether or not they wore pajamas to bed; of those polled, only 3 admitted to wearing pajamas, and one of those specified thermals in winter only. Otherwise, no way.  The rest of them had great answers like, “Not since I was ten,” or “Does a big t-shirt count?”

Every time I asked the question either in person or over the phone, there was this kind of shnorkly guffaw, like I couldn’t possibly be asking this question. And the routinely incredulous “no” made me wonder if I was, perhaps, asking something excessively weird. Apparently yes.

So, I began running a secondary survey for women, asking, “Are pajamas sexy on men?”  This was an interesting question and I had no idea what the response would be. Other than a single, “Only if George Clooney is in them, and even then it’s kinda iffy,” crack, without exception, the answer was no.

Moms report sons stop wearing pajamas around the age of 9, with pjs being replaced by  over-sized sports jerseys and later on, with weird t-shirts.  Some wives reported the sport jersey thing has carried over into adulthood, especially during football season.

Does any of this mean anything? I’m not sure, but I do think it speaks to a greater overall trend toward informality. Pajamas imply some kind of structure; one wears them specifically when one goes to bed, the same way one wears a tuxedo to a black-tie event. One does not take the trash out in one’s pajamas. And these days, one does not loll about in them unless one is called “Hef.” A haphazard collection of boxers, flannel pants, and decorated t-shirts signals an attitude of would-be cultural defiance. One may select the pattern of flannel pants, but more time was probably spent picking out just the right KISS t-shirt at that concert 20 years ago. 

And should you dare to ask what women do find sexy, the answer is “clean and commando.”  Really; I kid you not. 32 women were asked, and 27 of them went with the buck naked option. The other 5 said, “bottoms” as long as the top was buff.  Oddly, buffness was not an in-the-buff requirement. Go figure.

Wifely Person Tip o’the Week
There truly are times when less is more;
other times, not so much.

Her Majesty the Queen's Bonus Tip o'the Week


  1. "One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I don't know. And then we tried to remove the tusks... but they were imbedded in so firmly that we couldn't budge them. Of course in Alabama the tusks-are-looser..."

  2. Took intensive Russian for 10 credits in college so I could graduate on time. My education might not have been a waste after all.