How Do I Feel.......

A dear friend sent me a truly delightful mug and my favorite tea (I am a well known Tazo Zen junkie) because she was concerned about how I was faring with "all the craziness going on in the world, especially in Israel." Obviously, she's a blog regular, but more than that, she instinctively knows how to do the right thing to cheer me up. Had I not been laughing at the mug, I would've cried. Until that moment, I did not realize how smacked about I felt, how sad and how terrified. And how much I wanted to crawl through the hole into that library.

Terrified is as close as I can come to describing what I am feeling. 

I know for a fact I've not been sleeping well, that I awaken in the night rigid with fear from a bad dream, and I don't ever remember my dreams. But I wake up terrified, listening for a noise or a clue or a hint of something outside. 

My Russian grandmother once told me how they hid in the fruit cellar from the Cossacks, and how they could tell what noises they made when the came and what noises they made when they left. She talked about being scared. I could not relate, nor could I imagine what I would do in a fruit cellar.

People keep asking me how it feels to be Jewish in America right now. 

I avoid thinking about this because every time it encroaches on the consciousness, I want to throw up, cry, and crawl into a hole, none of which are effective mechanisms for dealing with the tangled mass I have squirming inside me.

Mom was still alive the first time I brought up the possibility of the wheels coming off. Feckless was in the middle of primaries and picking up steam. Everyone mocked me, told me I was alarmist, shook their collective heads, and sighed. Well, guess what. 

Colleges and universities are supporting Hamas. Do they even know what Hamas stands for, believes, and does? Well, maybe it doesn't much matter because they only go after Jews and homosexuals. I guess that makes it okay.

So the short answer to the question about how I feel about being a Jew in America right now? 

I feel terrified. 

I am afraid for my grandchildren. When I see the faces of the hostage children, I look to see how many of them look like my grandkids. Because those could all be my grandkids. Every single one of those faces belongs to parents, grandparents, friends, and a country that cares deeply for the lives of all children, not just Jewish kids.  But my kids are here, Jewish kids are being bullied and threatened on social media and in the halls of public schools. It's open season on our kids.

Feckless Loser has called for detention centers for immigrants. How far behind are detention centers for Jews? 

Jewish homes and businesses are being defaced in more than a few cities. How much longer before that hate becomes the norm and a second Krystallnacht happens?

Hamas's propaganda machine is unparalleled. We saw it ramped up and fully charged with the bombing of al-Ahli Hospital not by Israel, but by Islamic Jihad. Every major news source not only blamed Israel,  but published as fact the inflated casualty numbers as provided by Hamas. 

The BBC in particular, rushes to judgment,  blames Israel, then is slow to retract, giving the Hamas supporters ample time to come crashing into Jewish lives. 

Campuses are full of "safe spaces," but none of those spaces are safe for Jewish kids who now hide their Magen David necklaces and trade the kippot for baseball caps and beanies. I am terrified for those kids whose world is being turned upside down and stomped into glass shards. 

We cannot trust the Left Wing, the same side of the political coin we marched with, demonstrated with, supported, and believed in their version of social justice was real. It's not real for us, any more than the MAGA and Right Wing screaming Jews will not replace us as they march through the streets. If my Grandma Bessie was alive, she would be outfitting the basement with emergency supplies. 

I feel betrayed. 

We were your allies. We demonstrated, we marched, we sat-in, and we even died for the causes so important to our country, yet now, none of you stand with us. You seem not to give a damn that homosexuality is illegal in Gaza, as it is in most Muslim countries. How does the LGBTQ+ community feel about solidarity with a movement that wants them dead? Well, I guess it's okay because Jews rank above them on the to be exterminated list.

I feel disgusted.

Whatever happened to the American I was told I was part of?  All those alliances we thought we were part of....have evaporated. People I once considered friends tell me we're evil because we won't just let Hamas attack our cities, towns, and villages as they promise over and over on television. October 7th will be repeated again and again. 

But know this: When they finish with us, they will come after you. 

The Wifely Person's Tip o'the Week

Do not be silent in the face of evil.

That serves no purpose.