Think Lovely Thoughts

9 years clear

Long, long ago, in a lifetime far, far away, Ziggy was diagnosed with cancer. What cancer and where it was actually hiding were a bit of a mystery, but it had attacked his liver. That was the giveaway. We immediately made an appointment to see an oncologist and off we went. The only thing I will say about this oncologist is that he was horrendous, horrible, painful, and unnecessarily cruel. A dear friend stepped in and got us into the Piper Cancer Institute [now called Allina Health Cancer Institute] and it was like stepping into the light. So, when it was my turn to be the cancer patient, you know where I went.  

View of St. Paul from the High Bridge
Photo by Ziggy ~ June 22,1975

This morning, I went for my annual mammogram and periodic bone scan. Since my run-in with breast cancer, I don't screw around with these things. I go when they tell me to go. I do what they tell me to do. My scan appointment was at 9, but one look at 35-E had me re-routing myself down Smith Avenue and over the High Bridge, thereby treating myself to the best view of St. Paul. As a result, I arrived seriously early, but they were happy to see me and I was whisked in right away for the bone scan. Done in less than 20 minutes. I popped upstairs to the office for mammograms. I apologized for being over an hour early for my 10:30 appointment, but assured them I brought a book and would sit quietly in the corner. I was not upset about that since the Piper Center has some of the best coffee in town. No sooner had I stirred the half&half into the coffee than my name was called. The tech had a window of opportunity....and instead of taking a break, took me. Everyone was lovely and good-humored. They laughed at the jokes and answered the questions. I was out the door before my bone scan had even been scheduled to start.

By 1:30, the bone scan report was in my email. I know the mammo always takes a couple of days. Had it been in the email box today, I woulda freaked because that would've meant I needed a callback....and not the kind actors get with auditions. 

Yes, I have access to excellent health care even with Medicare (yeah, I'm old) and a supplemental insurance plan. Yes, I am extremely grateful for that care. I know everyone doesn't always get that level of care and good humor. Yes, I know how lucky I am. 

But there's another takeaway to be mentioned here: self-care. 

My breast cancer was found early because my cousin Laurie was assigned the task of making me do routine health screenings and assorted check-ups by Ziggy before he died. He knew that I am not to be trusted with this stuff. In the 9 years I have been cancer-free, I have learned not to take this stuff for granted. 

I have learned to advocate for myself. Yes, I have great support from the fam and my friends,  but learning to speak up when I have questions and concerns when it comes to health stuff has been a challenge. 

Medicine and medical practice is BIG business. HUGE business. And do not believe for a New York minute that there are hospitals who will choose not making a profit over patient outcome every time. 

Access to healthcare is shrinking. Since we don't have, outside of Medicare, any comprehensive nationalized access to comprehensive care, no states or systems are created equal. The tangled nest of state, federal, and insurance requirements takes up the bulk of health care providers' time. Most don't have time for bedside manner or assuaging patient's fears. Which means, you own much of the responsibility for seeing to your own outcome. 

But self-care doesn't begin and end in a doctor's office. Frankly, it begins in your head.

Over the last few months of this horrendous political upheaval, I have learned a few things about myself that even I didn't know....or pay much attention to like my left eyelid twitches when I'm really tired and/or worried about something. My stomach doesn't always play nice with the rest of me, and I am learning how to manipulate it into behaving.....something which requires the total absence of fried anything...including State Fair french fries and/or onion rings. (Kill me now!) I sleep precisely 5 hours and 45 minutes each night. I can sometimes roll over and eventually drift back to sleep, but usually I am up for the day. Lots of water is a necessity; dehydration gives me vertigo. I budget for pedicures because this old person gets really cracked heels and Aquaphor is great, but only goes so far. This is all stupid, petty stuff, but I am learning to be aware of my own mishugas. 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I am working on fixing the parts of me I can fix, and worrying about the safety and security of the people in my world. For a while, at least. I will drive myself crazy if I worry about everything else....and I'm already crazy enough.

See, the lessons of the last election cycle boil down to almost nothing worth twisting about. . With a right-wing executive, judicial and legislative government, there is nothing that can be done to prevent this administration from doing whatever it wants. If congress won't approve his picks, he'll just use recess appointments to do it. If he wants to give someone security clearance, he'll wave a magic wand and whoosh! they have clearance. If he wants his billionaire buddies to negotiate with heads-of-state and set policy, that's what's gonna happen. 

Until the midterm elections. That's assuming we have them.

I'm hoping to escape Minnesota for a little while come February.  For now, I'll endeavor to avoid gloom and doom. Try not to be too upset. 

The Wifely Person's Tip o'the Week

Think lovely thoughts.