The Conundrum That Is Christmas

Dayton's Santa Bear - 1989

I have long had a love/hate relationship with Christmas. Like any American kid, I loved the tinsel and glitz, candy canes and hot chocolate that showed up all over the place. I've written about this before and you can follow the link to read it, but the story is actually much longer. 

When I started working at Dayton's in downtown St. Paul, I was assigned to the third floor where I got to use what I already knew in china, crystal, and silver. And with that job came the annual ornaments, the Christmas Shop, and Santa Bear. My coworkers thought it was hysterical that I'd never really decorated a tree before and they were bound and determined to change that. I kept picking up the sparkling glass balls by the tops...and promptly releasing them from the pins. I exploded more ornaments that first year than I can to remember...,much to everyone's hilarity. But I got them back....I knew the words and could sing every carol that came over the PA. I had neglected to mention that while I didn't know how to deal with ornaments, I had spent a number of formative years being paid to sing carols...in several languages. 

Swarovski - 2001

Over the decade plus I spent at Dayton's I became a Christmas specialist, handling special orders for annual ornaments from the likes of Waterford, Swarovski, Baccarat, Steuben, Lalique, and even Lladró.  I had a book of over 100 clients who relied on me for their annual editions, as well as additions to Christmas china collections. I loved making everyone happy and excited for the coming holiday. Yeah, some of it was shlock, but there was a whole lotta elegance and loveliness to be had. And I was a queen of crèches. I worked with families that added pieces each year, who wanted a French one or a Polish one, or an Austrian one. I was really good at figuring out how to repair and even replace pieces. Many a night I would go home and scour the internet trying to find a  specific piece. I might not have been able to sell it, but I often handed links and information to broken-hearted family members. Used to drive my bosses nuts....but they couldn't argue with the store loyalty and future sales it inspired.

But not everything was tinsel and sparkles. Like the little, old Hmong lady with an easy grin who walked through the store and skyways for her daily exercise. She spoke no English, but she loved to look at all the crystal ornaments and decorative pieces. We would greet each other, smile, nod, sometimes I would hand her something to examine up close. But she never bought anything, nor did I expect her to. She was there for the beauty of glass art. Each November, she would disappear, only to resume her walks the first week in January. I figured she was off to visit family. One year, she did not show up in January and I was worried. I had no way to reach her or anyone to ask. Then, in February, I spied her using a walker, a younger woman at her side. She waved at me and I rushed over. Turns out, she had taken a fall in her flat and this was her first day in the skyways. The woman with her was her granddaughter, Nye. I was so relieved to see her and told her how worried I was, and her granddaughter dutifully translated. 

As they were going on their way, I said, "I hope you had a lovely vacation." Her granddaughter looked puzzled and explained they had not been away. In turn, I told her, "Your grandmother disappears right after Thanksgiving every year. I thought you were away!" She translated for her grandmother who shook her head as she replied to her granddaughter who translated for me:

I do not wish to interfere with the Christians' holy day, so I just don't walk through this store. It's for Christians.

I was flabbergasted and laughed. Pointing to myself, I said, "I'm not Christian, either! I'm Jewish!" Her granddaughter translated and we all had a good laugh. I assured her she was welcome to come anytime. 

For the next few years, Mrs. Tran continued to walk through our floor, but never during the Christmas season. Then Nye came to tell me Mrs. Tran had passed away. We shared some stories about that little lady with the steel grey hair and the twinkle in her eye. Nye told me the Christmas story was repeated many times, and that she loved that we shared a secret of not being Christian. 

I thought a lot about perception after that. How did we really appear to others? As happy and joyful as Christmas decorations are supposed to be, is there, perhaps, another, less welcoming message silently telegraphed? Unconsciously...or perhaps consciously, is it exclusionary? Merry Christmas...or happy holidays?

The bottom line is Christmas is not my holiday. I know and love lots of people who celebrate the day and I'm happy for them. Everyone should have holidays to observe, whether they be religious or national or cultural. Holy days and holidays are meant to be shared, to provide insights into how one lives one's life. Sharing joy is never a bad thing to do...unless you are forcing someone to participate in a way that demeans or denies their freedom to choose what and how they will observe any special day. I happily sang Christmas carols with my friends because it was fun and something I could do to support their institutions without feeling I was denying my own. 

Okay, getting paid made it a job. Did that make me a hypocrite? I did not pretend to believe, I merely produced sound, so no, I don't think it did. I wasn't paying lip service to some creed. They knew I was Jewish. 

But was I a hypocrite? Maybe I was because the audience believed the sincerity in my voice. My singing, supposedly, enhanced their religious experience. Was it mine? No. But it worked for them. I never pretended to be Christian and the people I sang with knew that. Just like my coworkers at Dayton's knew I didn't have a Christmas tree at home or strings of lights around the house. I just did my job in the store. 

Which leaves me pretty ambivalent about the hoopla of Christmas. Yeah, I do wish people I know who celebrate a Merry Christmas, and more often than not, they wish me Happy Hanukkah and that's just fine. Strangers, I wish Happy Holidays just to be safe. If someone wishes me Merry Christmas, I don't get upset or insulted; I smile and say, The same to you! And have a happy and healthy New Year!  They're being nice. I can be nice back. Mom used to say It doesn't cost anything to be nice even when you don't feel all that nice. For the most part, she was right. 

That doesn't mean all those Christmas appeals with holly decorated address labels aren't  grotesque. They are. I think how much more they can use in their charity if they stopped with the aroisgevorfene gelt...wasted money. The ads on Insta and Facebook are freakin' endless. I suppose they tug at enough heartstrings....but not this one. 

So here's what I wish for everyone: May everyone have a safe, relatively stress free happy holiday however you celebrate or observe. Enjoy what you can, grin and bear what you can't, and most of all be grateful for whatever it is you have. 

The Wifely Person's Tip o'the Week

Hanukkah begins Wednsday night.

It's a holiday about Jews 

fighting for Jerusalem to preserve 

our culture, traditions, values, and beliefs.

We've been commemorating it for 2100 years 

and we're not stopping any time soon. 

Chag Urim Same'ach to all

And to all a good night.