The Elephant in The Womb

Long, long ago, I mentioned Lysistrata in a blog episode called "There's no satisfaction for a man, unless.....".  I went back to that entry this past weekend as I was reading about the new abortion laws being passed in a number of states. At that time, I wrote:

If our male politicians want to use our sex against us, I would suggest that we follow Lysistrata’s example. If they want to inhibit access to birth control, we inhibit access to the birth canal.  If they want to limit our choices of what we can do with our bodies, well, I suggest we limit what they can do with theirs.

I don't think I went far enough. Seven years later, this has not gone away; it's gotten worse.

If you penis-waving Republicans truly want to prevent abortions while making most forms of effective birth control illegal, there needs to be some serious discussion about preventive measures that prevent implantation without risking harming a fertilized egg, since that seems to be the stage at which human life exists. I get it. I understand you think that sperm is sacred, and in as much, we women need to help you protect it. After all, did not G-d strike Onan down for spilling his seed on the ground? We get that ejaculating all those little buddies into a hostile womb is basically murder. 

Therefore, there needs to be established a protocol which prevents not merely pregnancy, but actual harming of all your little buddies. After all, an egg is just an egg without one of those swimming guys. 

Laws need to be written to require vasectomies when boys reach the  age of puberty. Since you have maintained that boys/men cannot control their impulses when girl/women wear clothing more fitted than gunny sacks, perhaps it's time to make sure no sperm is spilled unintentionally...or intentionally. Hey, we know about how you cannot control your wet dreams, so, rather than have you struck down by nocturnal emission, vasectomies are important. 

If you are serious about preventing unwanted pregnancies, you married men need to step up to the plate and start popping progesterone. You don't want God to strike you down for an accident, do you? Progesterone will take you down a notch at the same time it will help encourage the sanctity of the vagina. This is important stuff.

If you want to stop unwanted boners, no more girly magazines and underwear ads. You know very well those are the gateways to full fledged porno films. No boobs and explosions for you! Those things make men crazy with lust, and women are at risk as a result. Remember, a woman cannot conceive unless she has a boner between her legs, and you don't want that, right?

If you really are serious about protecting the unborn, you're just gonna have to stop having willy-nilly sex. You know condoms fail. You know there are accidents when your coitus ain't being interruptus, even with your wife. 

To help you emulate this new standard of moral behavior, we'll have a plan. Forget the anti-abortion stuff. Here's what you, those guardians of morality, need to do to put an end to all abortions:

• Start with DNA registry for all men. Gone are the days when you can deny paternity; it's a simple, fool-proof test and if you are the father, you are the father. End of discussion. 
• Pass a law requiring the proven owners of fertilizing sperm to pay for all prenatal care, all birthing cost, and all support of said children until the age of 21. No exceptions. No excuses. No backsies. 
• If you refuse to pay for the welfare of the mother and the raising of the children, count on prison time while the proceeds from the sale of all your stuff, including but not limited to property, insurance, pensions, retirement accounts, IRAs, 401Ks, and unused sperm go right to the little family ...or families you rejected. 

Not crazy about those ideas? Okay. Here's Plan B from Inner Space:

Women - follow the Lysistrata  play book. Stop having sex with anyone who wants to control your uterus. Use your God given gift of a vagina to thwart their attempt to impregnate you. Do not let them off the hook or in the canal. If they try, you immediately scream bloody murder and expose them as the exploitative winkie-pushers they are. 

Florida's House Speaker José Oliva made it pretty clear he and his compatriots don't consider women to even be sentient beings. After all, he repeatedly referred to us as host bodies. When I hear that, I kinda think parasitic aliens, not the mothers of the future leaders of this country. Or maybe we really are host bodies since one of us produced him. 

But I digress. 

If you're not sure about how this is going to play out, go read THE HANDMAID'S TALE. Women who can conceive are host bodies. That's all. Sure, it's dystopian, but read (or listen) to the language they use. It is eerily familiar. Guys like Oliva use it all the time. They are serious about about stripping women of the right to self-determination. They keep talking about their health care plan? Do you know what it is? It sure as hell isn't universal health care. 

There are 224 countries listed on the UN Infant Mortality site. The nation with the highest infant mortality, 110.6 children per 1000 births, is Afghanistan. The nation with the lowest rate of infant mortality, is Monaco, with 1.8. The US ranks 169, right between Serbia and  Bosnia- Herzegovina. (stats from World Atlas)

Ladies Who Call Yourselves PRO LIFE: The GOP is not serious about protecting life. They are not serious about the lives of children, or the rights of the unborn, since they are so good at denying prenatal care and health care for all. If you care about those things, walk away from the liars now and start forming your own groups to fight for the right to have health care for all, born or unborn. Stop enabling their attempts to turn you into host bodies. The choice is yours. 

The Wifely Person's Tip o'the Week

You are either part of the solution

or you are enabling the problem.

When your daughter asks what you are,

 what are you going to tell her?