PORNOGRAPHY: An open letter to the folks in Florida, Texas, and the other reactionary states.

There  used to be a old joke about a guy who was arrested for having pornography, and in his own defense, he protested saying, "I don't even own a pornograph!"

When I was a little kid, I thought that was a really funny joke. I have no idea why I thought it was funny, but I did. I even asked my dad if we had a pornograph since I knew we had a phonograph. Of course, Dad explained there was no such thing as a pornograph and the two weren't interchangeable. 

I do not believe he explained, however, what pornography was. I doubt I would've understood the concept because I really thought it was a new kind of record player. 

So, I'm thinking that maybe you and your governor DeSantis don't actually know what pornography is, because you forced out Hope Carasquilla over showing her students Michelangelo's David. Some overzealous parents said the statue was pornographic. 

So much for literacy, so let's try to fix that without offending your delicate sensibilities.

Pornographic, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is

printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.

How about a little dictionary diving here?

• Erotic : relating to or tending to arouse sexual desire or excitement.
• Arouse : three definitions offered here. What to choose? What to choose?
• evoke or awaken a feeling 
• excite or provoke (someone) to anger or strong emotions.
• excite (someone) sexually. (Ding! ding! ding! we have a winner!) 
• Aesthetic : concerned with beauty or the appreciation of beauty.
• Emotional : relating to a person's emotions; arousing or characterized by intense feeling.

Hmmmm. I don't know about any of you, but a flaccid penis doesn't do it for me, therefore, having stood up close to this flaccid penis, I can tell you without hesitation that Michelangelo's David is a celebration of the perfection of human form. For all you good Christians, this is exactly what you're fighting for when you all go on about how G-d doesn't make mistakes and everyone is gender-assigned at birth and no one has the right to be anything except what you want them to be.  

David, originally commissioned as one of a series of statues of the prophets to be installed along the roof of Florence Cathedral, was deemed too beautiful to be placed at such a height. Instead, he was set in the Piazza della Signoria, the seat of city government, where he could be seen by all. This was not erotica in any way, shape, or form. This was...and still is...art. Oh, just so you don't think this is modern liberal thinking, the location of the statue was changed and ultimately unveiled on September 8th, 1504....519 years ago. Now, he's the most popular guy in the Galleria dell'Accademia di Firenze.

Pornography is in the eye of the beholder. If you see David as pornographic, you probably should never set foot in the Sistine Chapel, or practically any Catholic church with its iconic depictions of nursing mothers, naked children, and scourged almost-naked saints, not to mention any museum in any city. IF you're the one getting turned on by this stuff, YOU are the one with the problem, not the nuns who gleefully take selfies with David...not because it's the closest they'll ever get to a penis, flaccid or otherwise, but because he's an expression human physical perfection, that thing all those pastoral trophy wives strive for. 

And to be honest, this is really just another expression of book banning. You are attempting to control what others see in a rather hopeless attempt to control the minds of others. You want to drop a glass bubble over your children, forbidding them to learn about other people. Is that such a good thing to do? What happens when they meet someone who is different? Is it hate at first sight? 

There are people who are homosexual in this world. There are people who are of a different mind about religion than yours. Why teach a child to be ashamed of difference? 

And why teach them to be ashamed of their bodies. Kids are gonna touch themselves and each other. And how do you explain "nocturnal emissions?" Are you telling them that natural functions are evil? And wouldn't that be the antithesis of "everything G-d does is perfect?"

As a parent and grandparent, I understand the need to exercise some control over media that comes into your homes. I mean, as loath as I am to admit it, after one episode of REN AND STIMPY I did tell the boys if I ever saw it on the television again I would rip the cable outta the wall. I know I wasn't alone in my distaste for that show, but it wasn't in my job description to ban it for everyone on the planet. That was between Ziggy, me, and the guys. 

Those decisions are left to the parents and guardians within the walls of a home. No one gets to tell my kids what they can or cannot watch or read. I mean, the person who asked that the bible be banned in Utah had a point in demonstrating how ridiculous the law is. By the way, IF I could ban The King James translation of the Jewish part of the bible, I would do it in a heartbeat, but not because it's totally salacious...which it is... but because it's a terrible translation and should just be ditched. Christian scholars think it's a terrible translation. How would you feel if I started a campaign to do just that? Who am I to tell you that you can't read a terrible translation of a book written in Hebrew and still read in Hebrew?

Honestly, it's bad enough you want to control the bodily functions of over half the population while leaving the other, lesser part, to continue to ejaculate into women sans consequence. But I'm not talking about that here. I'm actually defending your kids' right to know about their own bodies, themselves, and the world around them. I want them to learn. I want them to experience being naturally curious about their bodies and themselves. I want them to grow up healthy and well adjusted. 

What I want is unimportant inside your walls. What I don't understand is why you don't want the same thing. 

The Wifely Person's Tip o'the Week

This is a great butt. 

It's not porn no matter how much you look.

It's just a butt.